Author Archives: Sarah

The Year of the Tandem Bike

Posted on by

It seems like a week doesn’t go by that I don’t hear a new nickname being coined for parents and their level of involvement in their student’s life (“helicopter” and “snowplow” being some of the most common). While they seem to get the most media attention, I think these particular comparisons are inaccurate, and ultimately, not helpful.

These nicknames and conversations usually revolve around the never-ending debate as to what level of parent involvement is appropriate once a student goes to college. While each family has their own unique relationship, please remember that you are the best partner in ensuring your student’s success in college and that our office exists to support you. Does this mean that you need to sit in class with your student or know every detail of their life? No. But a family’s love and unwavering support can motivate a student to focus on their studies, pass that challenging class, or navigate a tough decision about changing a major.

While we encourage students to own their UP experience, practice problem solving skills, and build resiliency to become independent and successful adults, we also recognize that you know your student best–and so are often their best source of guidance and support. With this philosophy in mind, I would like to propose that 2020 is the year of the tandem bike. We recognize that you and your student are on the bike together. You are involved in your student’s life, and for good reason, but we encourage you to let your student sit in the front seat and drive their UP experience, while you sit behind them, providing support and encouragement along the way.

As we practice this “tandem bike” approach, I recommend reading this insightful article from CollegiateParent (and my colleague at the University of Denver), which discusses “a new way to look at parent involvement in college” and provides helpful questions that can be used when coaching your student throughout the coming semester.

While you and your student ride the tandem bike, know that our office is cheering you along the way and ready to refill or patch your tires when needed. Utilize the resources and information on our Parent Website, and please don’t hesitate to reach out with questions at parents@up.edu. We look forward to working with you in the coming semester and throughout your student’s time at UP!

Image of Katie Seccombe

Katie Seccombe

Associate Director, Parent Engagement

parents@up.edu

Having Your Pilot Home Again

Posted on by

As students arrive home for winter break, you may be experiencing their mountains of laundry, exhaustion from finals, and testing of house rules. But never fear – you’re not the only family experiencing this! Even though this is a time of adjustment for both the family and the college student, it’s also a time of joy and quality family time. You may even observe that your student has significantly grown over the last semester, and you may feel pride in witnessing them develop into the independent, wonderful adult they are meant to be. Here are some things to consider while your Pilot is back home!

What to Expect

  • If they’ve just wrapped up a busy semester, they’re probably physically and mentally exhausted. Don’t be surprised if they sleep a lot!
  • While students may be ecstatic to be home, they may also be sad to leave college friends for a month. Reassure them that they will be back on The Bluff in no time.
  • Give them some space when they get home, but don’t be afraid to re-establish “house rules.” They’ve become accustomed to their independence, so they may need a reminder from you of what living under your roof means. It’s important to clearly communicate your expectations about curfew, family obligations, or chores.
  • Families are often disappointed that their student spends much of the break visiting friends rather than staying home. While seeing family is important to them, many students wish their families understood their desire to spend time with friends while they are home. If students and parents make holiday plans together, they are less likely to make conflicting plans. Let your student know well in advance about any family obligations and ask that they consult with you before making plans with friends.
  • There may be some adjusting as students reflect on their identity at home versus their identity at college. One source of discomfort for returning students is the realization that family life has gone on in their absence. Younger siblings may have assumed more responsibility and freedom. Parents may have taken on new interests or commitments. Students often have difficulty figuring out where they fit in the family picture, and families sometimes exacerbate that feeling by treating them like guests rather than family. Remember that your student will most likely feel a little awkward when they first come home, but with some minor adjustments, they should feel like a member of the family again.

Evaluating Academics

  • When your student gets home, the last thing they may want to talk about is school. However, this break is a good time to check in with your student about grades, the content of their classes, and their majors (or majors they’re considering). When you’re face to face, you may get a better sense of how they’re feeling than you did over texting or FaceTime.
  • Grades will be posted online sometime on December 17. As a reminder, grades are not “sent home,” so talk to your student and ask them about their grades. Additionally, if your student has added you as a Proxy through Self-Serve for the student information view, you have permission to view their grades. You can access grades online via the Banner Self Serve Proxy system.
  • If students seem to be facing challenges at school, this is a great time to remind them of the resources available to them on campus and encourage them to ask for help. One of the useful resources for students is the Learning Commons, located in Buckley Center 163. The Learning Commons provides assistance to supplement classroom work. Students can connect with peer assistants in a variety of disciplines, including math, writing, speech, and international languages.
  • Another great resource is Brother Thomas Giumenta, C.S.C., the Learning Assistance Counselor for the Shepard Center. He can assist with time management, test taking, note taking, reading strategies, test anxiety, learning and memory strategies, and individual academic counseling. Brother Thomas is also offering a course next semester for students who experience difficulties and challenges with academic work. The class is open to any interested students. They can register for this 1 credit course (ED 102) through Self-Serve.

Getting Involved Next Semester

  • Remind your student of the robust student life opportunities available to them at UP and to check out the Activities Fair at the start of the semester. They may even be interested in pursuing various leadership opportunities for the following school year, many of which require applications at the beginning of the spring semester.
  • Encourage them to explore on-campus job opportunities, which are a great way to meet new people and to feel more connected to the UP community. At the end of the semester, students may be graduating or departments may be changing, so new positions often get posted on our student job board. Now is the perfect time to start exploring spring or summer opportunities.

Preparing for Studies Abroad

  • Is your student getting ready to study abroad? Check out these helpful resources for parents and families on the Study Abroad website!

Travel Arrangements

  • It’s never too early to start making travel arrangements for the coming semester. Spring Break and Easter Break dates can be found here. All students finished registering in November and the spring final exam schedule is live, so the winter break is a good time to check in about travel arrangements for the end of the spring semester as well!

Returning to Campus for the Spring Semester

  • While some students may be chomping at the bit to return to college after the long break, some students express that it can be harder to come back in January than it was to arrive in August. If they had an especially challenging fall semester, they may be dreading returning to classes. Students may experience sadness upon their return to UP because they are once again away from the security and positivity which they often receive at home. Returning to school and reintegrating into social and academic life may cause some anxiety or homesickness to return. Remind your student that they can do it! Each semester brings its own challenges, but with each challenge, they are developing life skills, learning how to navigate college, and little by little learning more about themselves. They know more about “doing college” than first-semester students, and that is a huge accomplishment in itself!

For additional resources and articles from our friends at Collegiate Parent, check out their Home for the Holidays collection!

When the Path Changes

Posted on by

It would have been a lot easier had I just been honest with my parents from the get go.

I arrived on The Bluff in August of 1994 as a first-year mathematics major, with my choice of study attached to a four-year, full-ride Air Force ROTC scholarship. The son of a retired Air Force colonel, I was armed with a nicely crafted narrative about how I would follow in my father’s footsteps and graduate in four years as a commissioned officer in the United States Air Force. I embarked on my first semester with the same hope that many 18-year-olds have: to make my parents proud of me.

I loved UP from the outset. I loved feeling as though I fit when I walked across campus to my classes. I loved the quirky, unique definition of brotherhood I experienced in the residence hall that was my new home. I loved my new job as the student manager for the men’s basketball team. I loved how my professors knew each of us by name and seemed genuinely excited to have us stop by their offices with questions seeking clarity about that day’s lecture. I loved it all. Except for that one nagging truth that I kept trying to ignore – I hated Tuesdays.

I experienced internal disequilibrium each Tuesday morning as I put on my ROTC uniform and marched off to my 8:10 a.m. Calculus class. Each passing week, my dissatisfaction as an ROTC cadet grew stronger with the same intensity as my contentedness for my larger UP community. How could I reconcile this place that I loved with the truth that my nicely crafted narrative was false? How would I tell my parents that I wanted to walk away from a full-ride scholarship AND that I desperately wanted to stay at this private University for three more years? I felt like I was fully myself except when I put that uniform on every Tuesday morning.

As the weeks went by, I knew I had to tell my parents that I didn’t want to continue in ROTC. I dreaded that conversation for fear of both the outcome it might produce (i.e., that I wouldn’t continue at UP) and how my dad would take the news. I strategically dropped some hints with my mother, knowing that she’d help pave the way for a conversation. One Sunday night on our weekly check-in call, Mom served it up for me. I just dove in and told them that I wasn’t happy. And the greatest thing happened. My Dad told me, “Life is too short to continue doing things that don’t bring you joy. All your mom and I want is for you to be happy. We will support whatever you choose to do.” The fear of the conversation was much worse than the conversation itself. What my parents impressed upon me that Sunday evening is a source of strength that I continue to draw on to this day.

That strength brought me right back to UP as both a professor and now as the Director of Alumni & Parent Relations. In my years as a mathematics professor, I’ve encountered many first-year students in my Calculus courses who don’t seem quite content with their prescribed future careers as engineers, physicists, or mathematicians. The vast majority of the time, our conversations during office hours reveal that the student has clarity on their desire to change their major, but a lack of certainty about how to broach that conversation with their parents. Though I can only speak to my own experience, I encourage them to consider that their parents likely only want one thing – the same thing my parents wanted for me – happiness.

Honest discernment about the path forward is what makes life so rich and full. The major that a student starts with is just that – a starting point. Their experience as a college student is what leads them to their life’s vocation.

While your student is home during winter break, take a few minutes to check in and see how they’re feeling about their experience thus far. Remind your student that a lot of people change their path in life – in fact, that’s the exciting part of living! Let them know that it’s okay to have doubts, to switch gears, or to pursue a different field of study or career path. It’s ok to ask for help and to lean on their UP community. Remind them that you are proud of them just as they are. Follow my dear mother’s lead and pave the way for those conversations. Your student will be eternally grateful for the opportunity to share their thoughts with you and seek your guidance.

P.S. If your student is considering a new major or career path, you can also encourage them to check out these great resources provided by the Career Center.

Craig Swinyard Ph.D. ’98 graduated from UP with a degree in mathematics. During his undergraduate days, Craig was actively involved as an RA in Villa Maria Hall during his junior and senior year. Craig returned to The Bluff in 2008 as a faculty member in the mathematics department and continues to teach in addition to his role as Director of Alumni & Parent Relations.