“You answered questions I didn’t even know that I had.” This statement remains one of the most powerful statements I have heard while working here at the University of Portland. Interestingly enough, it came from an 18-year old incoming freshman first-generation student the summer before their first year as a Pilot, during one of our orientation programs. Questions are so important for college students, but similarly, the parents of college students. Questions show our curiosity, and importantly, help us learn. Sometimes, students and parents have shared they are afraid to as a “stupid question.” My hope is that as a parent, you take that apprehension, and as I like to tell students, throw that “silly fear” where it belongs: out into the Willamette River. UP is a relational community. We thrive on the relationships we have with others. We love questions because questions help us  – those that want to support both students and their families – connect on a deeper level with you!

 I have two young boys. I recently read that on average, a child asks their parent 73 questions a day! Think about that! I did the rough math, and this means my wife and I have answered 183,960 total questions for my 7-year-old, and 262,800 total questions for my 10-year old during their lifetimes – that’s 446,760 questions! My point? Our young adults ask questions, and as parents, we need to also do the same.

 “What questions should I ask?” This is something parents have shared with me. For parents, always ask UP staff anything that is unclear. We love to empower UP students to ask their own questions of their faculty, but helping students brainstorm questions they can ask others is a great strategy. Or – send them our way, to the Shepard Academic Resource Center, and we can brainstorm ideas together. Ask them “what has surprised them the most about their major;” or “what have you learned most in college that hasn’t been taught in the classroom?” These open-ended questions are fun to explore together and can become a part of your journey.

Finally, the most important question you can ask: “How do we want to keep in touch, or communicate, and how often?” Frequently, this is such a simple yet unasked question. Some parents might assume that they should call or text their young adult every day; others have taken the approach to wait until their student calls or needs something. Instead, have a casual conversation with your student. “How often would you like to communicate? What is too much, and what is too little? What would be practical things we can do that can support you, especially the first 3-4 weeks of school?” Perhaps they might have 73 questions about college, and that is certainly okay. In the end, asking questions is how we show we are curious, that we are engaged, and that we are life-long learners.

I look forward to meeting you when you’re on campus! Drop by the Shepard Center and say hello!

Dr. Matt Daily is the Associate Director and Program Manager for Special Populations and Learning Assistance in the Shepard Academic Resource Center.